Hello Friends, my name is Tanika Chambers and my assignment is to prepare, inform, encourage and equip the single Christian to make God-honouring decisions in their single season.
There are so many today who are struggling and feeling like WAITING to be intimate with the one they love is a mission impossible.
But, I’m here to tell you that it isn’t a mission impossible.
Keep reading to learn more.
Check out this quote I posted on the SRW Facebook page the other day.
It sure can be easy to talk strong and hard about what we’re not going to do in our next relationship but, ladies and gents let me remind you; put no confidence in your flesh. In fact , the REAL test will come when you’re sitting alone with that person you’re highly attracted to. For this reason, I appreciate Fiana Andrews of Approach2Link for posting the following FB Post /Question.
After reading this blog in it’s entirety, I hope that you will be encouraged to do things God’s way; a road that is being travelled less and less these days.
The Facebook Post – READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED
“More and more I’m seeing people committing to the celibacy lifestyle. Single and couples alike are trying to abstain from sex before marriage. Even hard to believe couples like Devon Franklin and Meagan Good admit that they were but the question is how did they? Praying and not staying past 12am is not a good enough answer for most people. I’m not saying that that is what they did or that doing those things wouldn’t work but at the same time is that all you need to do? Because I haven’t heard much practical ways to do it more than answers like what I just provided. What are you, especially as a celibate couple, doing to satisfy your sexual urges or to keep them at bay because we all know that they don’t disappear once you are around someone you are highly attracted to. In fact, those urges increase.
So what do/did you do you to handle that? Did you masturbate? Did you perform masturbation on each other? Did you suck on her nipple? Did you rub your clitoris on his penis? Did you have oral sex? Did you do any of these things while you waited until marriage to have intercourse? I’m raw and specific with these questions because I think we need to have a open discussion about this. The aim for many Christians is to wait until marriage to have intercourse but the question is how…we may know the benefit of waiting until marriage but what, if any, are the benefits of reserving the aforementioned until marriage as well? If there are benefits what does one do to be celibate and not do those things? If you didn’t /don’t do those things, I would love to know how you were able to and your reason not to?
I realize that this type of intimacy is private information and that is probably why we don’t have conversations this plain especially in an open forum like social media but I would love to hear people’s perspective on this. You can participate in this discussion below or through a private message to keep anonymity. When answering, remember that your testimony can strengthen others. Please respect people’s opinions and experiences. I encourage facts and resources to back your points as well.
Thank you in advance for your participation”
FIRST THINGS FIRST
With kissing and hugging alone we survived the WAITING GAME while IN A RELATIONSHIP and so can YOU.
That’s right my husband and I managed to NOT have sex before marriage and we were not virgins before we met. I use the word manage because as God’s children He wants us to be good stewards over everything He has given us, our money and our body which is the temple of God.
So with that being said, I confess that we were not perfect in the past but, after knowing better we did better.
Through our Friendship, Courtship and Engagement we have proven that with the right boundaries in place WAITING until marriage is NOT a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.
HOW DID WE DO IT?
During our 1 yr of Friendship we did not engage in sex or any kind of foreplay. How did we do that..watch this: LIVING SINGLE?
During our 1 yr of Courtship we did not engage in sex. Our physical interaction was hugs and kisses ONLY and not the encounters mentioned in the above Facebook post.
How did we do this? We talked about boundaries and stuck to them. But how, I can still hear someone asking? LOL. Well, my husband being a real man, with manly desires, I, his wife to be became his helpmate before the ring. I helped him to “hold out” with me by doing the following:
1. Making sure that my actions and dress code matched my words. For me, it was mostly long skirts all day and everyday..LOL. This helped my soon to be husband to keep focused when we spent time together. (Is he a” breast man”?, “leg man”? find this out by talking not touching and then dress in such a way to help him out. Then after the wedding remember TO DO what he likes:):)
2. I also kept my hands to myself. Ladies, you know what one extra rub to a man’s hand, leg, back can do, especially if he has been holding out, Right? So, yes I even withheld touching him in this kind of way to make both of our lives easier. Our first hug actually, didn’t happen until we started Courting. (So that’s 1 Full year of nothing.) Extreme? The Duggars’ would probably say no. Check out their Courtship Rules. The Duggars’ 7 rules of Courtship.
During our 3 month Engagement ..we did not engage in sex before marriage but our hugs and kissing increased dramatically. Real Talk, there were many times during our three month engagement that it was difficult to stop kissing and keeping our bodies a part, but with just a few months away from tieing the knot we determined to fight the good fight of faith and come out with a TESTIMONY!!
If someone were to give you and your mate to be 1 million dollars to not engage in sex or any of the above mentioned encounters in the Facebook post, do you think you could do it? Sadly, I think many would say YES under those conditions. C’mon, if people can eat live worms on the Fear Factor for $50,000 (just recently watched this episode lol) this would surely be a breeze. Shouldn’t it? Friends it really boils down to where our HEART is and the LOVE relationship we have with Christ.
The more we love Him is the more we want to please Him by keeping His commandments. (John 14:15)
REAL TALK FOR THE SERIOUS MINDED
We got to be more like Jesus. Do you remember when Jesus said “Not my WILL, but your WILL be Done” in Luke 22:42? Well, we all know that it wasn’t easy for Jesus to say those words knowing that He was going to suffer and die for our sins. And although waiting to have sex until marriage does not even come close to what Jesus suffered, it can be seen as suffering none the less. Whenever we are asked to do something that goes against the flesh there will be a struggle…a fight and a dying to ones will.
Perhaps there should be another question that reads: How Much Are You Willing to Die to Your Flesh to Be a Follower of Christ ? (This was a question I asked myself before meeting my now husband.)
Friends, it takes two to tango..no more excuses it’s time for the sons of God to arise, stop listening to certain music, watching certain movies/shows..because as simple as this sounds both have a way of influencing us to take down our much needed guard.Instead, get passionate about staying in the light of God’s Word and if you mess up, get up and start again. He is faithful and just to forgive us. 1 John 1:9
Hopefully, something I said blesses someone in their walk and if you’d like to get the right focus in your single season the Single Ready & Waiting book is for you. Read the testimonies
More on Celibacy. CELIBACY: KEEPING IT UNDER CONTROL