A biblical perspective can be found in 1 Corinthians 7:34-35.
It reads: “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But, a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world–how she can please her husband.”
The other day, I had a conversation with a married friend about how our devotion time had changed since getting married and having children. Though we care for the things of the Lord, we felt there was little time for anything else.
Though a single woman can have a busy life too, when she comes home there is usually on one other than herself to take care of; unless she is a mother or taking care of a sick loved one. But if not, she has the time in her home to read/study/pray more. (If you’re looking for the benefits of being single that’s one right there. )
Time is precious and when it’s used in one’s single season to get to know them self and God better, it can be the greatest time of their life.
When I think back to the time when I was single, it was those lonely nights that I developed an even closer relationship with God. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I fed my spirit with the Word, prayed for His continued strength to wait for what He promised and quietly listened for His instructions regarding love, life and my purpose.
Single ladies reading, it’s your lonely nights that God also uses to MAKE YOU, if you allow it, into the woman He needs you to be, to fulfill your purpose as a single and later as a wife!
To care for the things of the Lord the way 1 Corinthians 7:34 describes, contentment is key. For a heart that is discontented about being single can easily be distracted and be lead away from the things that please God.
Final words of Encouragement
It’s all about protecting your HEART.
While you care for the things of the Lord, He wants you to TRUST HIM with the cares of your heart, like finding a mate.
He is your GOOD, GOOD Father.
Here are a few questions to ponder upon.
Speaker, Mentor & Author of the book Single, Ready & Waiting:Your Guide to Courtship
So I finally watched the Steve Harvey movie “Think Like A Man” and thought, this is definitely a movie targeted mostly to a “one day I might fully surrender my life to Christ and do things His way” type of crowd. (If you fit into that category, I pray that you will one day choose Christ.) But even so, I came across a few lines that I felt Christian singles could also learn from.
Line # 1
“You haven’t required him to pop the question.” Steve Harvey
This line say’s a lot, even to Christian singles. Before we can be honest with anyone else, we have to first be honest with ourselves. Ladies, have you ever compromised on your standards and/or beliefs in hopes of holding on to a guy? Well, this is how actress Meagan Good in the film became the 90 Day Rule Girl; she got tired of giving away “the cookie” and changed her game plan. Instead of having sex on the first or second date she waited 90 days.
So how did the 90 Day Rule work out for her in the film? In her favour that’s for sure. Mr. Player, who she was getting to know, ends up falling deeply in love with her. The longer she had him wait the more he got to know her and vice versa. Exactly the way it should be. Waiting helps to develop a purposeful relationship that leads to Courtship and eventually a strong marriage.
Now before you start to consider a 90 Day Rule, let’s keep the following in mind: the rules for Christians are different. This is why I wrote the book Single Ready and Waiting: Your Guide to Courtship, A New Perspective. In it, I prove that it is very possible for a man and woman who are attracted to each other to NOT have sex until their wedding night. Choosing to wait can help a couple to develop a strong foundation in marriage from the start. One that Meagan Good and now husband Devon Franklin are most likely experiencing after choosing to wait until marriage to have sex.
“Men respect women who have standards, over those who don’t. So if you don’t have any, get some.”
Here we have another line that speaks volumns and really should go without saying for the saved Christian. But, if the truth be told far too many Christian women are trading their holy standards in for a season of sin and then wonder why the guy marries the woman he couldn’t sleep with. Ladies, let this not be you.
Also keep the following in mind. A woman of standard doesn’t only mean waiting until marriage to have sex, it is also loving you, knowing your value, worth and not staying with a man who abuses you, a man who constantly cheats on you, to name a few.
Every woman especially God fearing women need to set standards for themselves and be a doer of them and not only talk about them.
“You don’t need a man, you are a man.”
Oh man, this line was good and needed to be highlighted in this blog. I truly hope it helps someone in a very positive way. You see, when a women acts like a man, she doesn’t leave very much room for a man to be a man in her life.
While there is nothing wrong with a woman who is independent, confident and career driven, she must also make sure that these great qualities do not pose a problem in an actual relationship. Because at the end of the day, a man doesn’t want you to be a man. Embrace your femininity.
In My Chambers: Welcome to In My Chambers Trisha. I’m excited to share your “How We Met” story with my readers. But, before we do can you tell us what your season of waiting was like and how you stay encouraged?
Trisha: Before meeting Daniel, I had been single for many years. I went through a season in my early 20s, where finding that special someone was not a priority for me. When I did start to desire marriage, I continually prayed for God’s will to be accomplished in this area of my life. On those days when I felt discouraged, the Holy Spirit would remind me of His faithfulness in all areas of my life. I was reminded that God cares about every aspect of my life, including my desire for marriage. I constantly prayed for God’s grace to surrender this desire to Him, rather than picking it up and trying to take control through worrying.
IMC: Some people believe if you’re not dating your chances of meeting a prospective mate is close to impossible. What do you think about this statement?
Trisha: I think that there is value in allowing yourself the opportunity to grow in friendship – getting to know someone in a purely platonic manner. Afterwards, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit one can start a relationship with purpose and intentionality. If you define dating as “being in a relationship with someone”, dating multiple people in order to find your mate can be problematic. Over the years I’ve tried to be open to building friendships with new people that I meet.
IMC: While many avoid single ministry events like the plague you didn’t. You came out a few times to Equipped Singles ministry at Rhema Christian Ministries. What made you decide to attend and how was your experience?
Trisha: I think that it’s a positive decision to “get out there” and to meet new people. I ensured that when going to new events, that my goal wasn’t simply to meet men, but that I had a genuine interest in the event itself. What I gained most from these events was hearing the other experiences of singles and taking away nuggets of wisdom from the conversation that transpired. Beyond that, it’s always fun to try a new activity with new people!
IMC: Then you met him thanks to a special friend’s obedience. Can you tell us more about that?
Trisha: A lady at my church had been at her job and noticed Daniel one day. She told me that she got the impression that this young man seemed to be Christian. Being the thoughtful woman of God that she is, she started to think about who this young man might be a “good fit” for, and thought of me. My church sister eventually approached Daniel, boldly and confidently asking him a few questions. After she approved of Daniel’s responses, she reached out to me about this young man, and the rest is history. I thank God for my friend’s boldness and obedience. What one act of obedience can do!
IMC: You read the single ready and waiting book how did it help you ?
Trisha: The book “Single Ready and Waiting” gave me godly guidance on how to conduct myself in a friendship through to the courtship stage of a relationship. This book really taught me about the importance of relying on the Holy Spirit’s guidance, in realizing signs that could lead me to continue, slow down or to stop in the friendship/courtship stage. This book has really changed my views on Christian relationships, for the best!
IMC: It didn’t take long before you both realized there was something more happening between you. How did you go from friendship to courtship?
Trisha: I knew that there was something different about Daniel, from the first conversation on the phone that we had together. We had a really good connection, and could talk hours upon hours seamlessly with each other. During the friendship stage, Daniel and I made our intentions very clear to each other. I never had to spend time wondering about how Daniel felt or thought about me, because he was always so transparent. Daniel and I decided to take the time to know each other, so that we weren’t rushing into anything. When Daniel asked me to enter into a courtship with him, I felt confident in knowing that we would be continuing on a path of getting to know each other, while putting God first.
IMC: Did you have any concerns about your relationship? If so what were they and how did you get peace about them?
Trisha: I did have concerns in my relationship like every other relationship. During our friendship phase, we had great communication between each other, which was one of the numerous things I loved about Daniel. Soon after, Daniel and I realized that there were some gaps in our communication. Thankfully, we have both identified these gaps and continue to prayerfully work it out through reading books on communication in relationships, and praying for patience with one another. To the glory of God, we have greatly improved and we will continue to support each other in this area.
IMC: Who did you tell about your relationship and why did you feel it was important for them to know?
Trisha: I shared news about my friendship and later relationship with Daniel, with my close family, friends and church leaders. I value the opinions and guidance of these people in my life, and was happy to be able to let them in on this exciting time in my life. Daniel was also very intentionally in doing the same with his family, friends and church leaders. We both discussed the importance of accountability and drawing from the wisdom of these individuals in our lives.
IMC: How did he propose?
Trisha: Daniel “tricked” me into believing that we were going out for a dinner. Due to an “emergency” I was led to his home, where I was shocked to see our family and friends gathered together for our proposal, as I opened the front door. Daniel wrote up several cards, which outlined our journey together. Each of these cards were given to me by a special person in my life, with a rose. At the end of my family and friends, Daniel awaited me, recited a poem that he wrote and popped the question…thoughtful and romantic indeed he is.
IMC: What advice do you have for women who are actively looking for the right man?
Trisha: I once heard from a conference speaker who was discussing singleness, that she learned to just “live her life”. My encouragement to those who are single would be to do just that. You are so much more than your relationship status. As the Word says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” – Matthew 6:33. God knows the plans that He has for us. If I could have done it all over again, I would have placed more of my energy on seeking after the things of God, rather than worrying about my future.
IMC: Well said Trisha. Much blessings to you and your fiance as you plan your Big Day!
Well friends, like I always say “God Has A Master Plan With Your Name On It!”
Stay tuned for another In My Chambers blog interview. ©
Tanika Chambers, Author of the book Single, Ready & Waiting: Your Guide to Courtship